A Walk

I close my eyes and step outside. The bite of the wind instantly makes me wish that I had brought a jacket with me, but I quickly decide that there’s no point to going back for one, this won’t be a long walk.

When was the last time you took a walk with Sarah? C’mon Jack, it wouldn’t hurt you to give her a call. You used to have fun taking long walks with her on the beach, through the city, hell, even when you stepped on that pile of horse shit in the park it was still a good time.

My body shivering forces me to open my eyes, but the high winds and bright sun force me to squint, making me look angry. Everybody looks angry when they’re squinting. I wrap my arms around my body, trying to generate a little bit of warmth, and debate going back for my jacket for the second time in about thirty seconds, but again I realize that this won’t be a very long walk.

“C’mon Jack, let me borrow your jacket. It’s cold outside and I’m freezing.”

“Should have brought your own Sarah. No fair stealing mine so that I get frostbite and you don’t.”

“I’d loan you mine if you were cold.”

“Yeah, and then where would we be?”

I glance at my watch, wondering if I should bother making lunch plans. It’s almost 3 o’clock, and it’s not that long until the dinner hour. I think it’s a steak night. Yeah, steak and potatoes, with lots of fat on the steak. You only live once right? I can’t help but chuckle at that thought, shaking my head at my own sense of humor. At least I think I’m funny.

“What are you making for dinner Jack? If it’s steak and potatoes again I swear I’ll throw something at your head.”

“No, it’s not steak and potatoes…it’s potatoes and steak. Completely different. Promise.”

“You can have the steak, but no potatoes. If you keep eating that many potatoes you’re going to turn into one.”

“I will not. And besides, I’d rather be a potato than a cucumber or a carrot, or something stupid like that. People like potatoes, and if I was a human potato, just think of how much more people would like me.”

“You’re an idiot.”

I pass a man washing the windows of some office building and he looks at me sorta funny, even though I waved and wished him a good day. There’s just no decency in people any more. So much road rage could be avoided if people were just nicer to each other. Reaching into my pocket I pull out a piece of gum, turning around to offer the window washer a piece, but he’s not looking at me anymore, too fixated on something on the other side of his precious window. Oh well.

“I can’t believe how rude that guy was.”

“I know. That guy was really rude to you Jack. He cut you off, not the other way around. All you did was honk your horn for a second and he gives you the finger.”

“Don’t worry about it Sarah. It’s not worth getting worked up over.”

“You don’t get worked up about anything, do you?”

“Not if I don’t have to.”

Sirens screaming by on the streets add to the sound pollution that plagues this city, causing small children to scream and nearby dogs to bark. I watch the fire truck and ambulance go by, only to see them stop at the corner, the people inside of both vehicles piling out and running towards me. I look the other way, trying to figure out what the emergency is, but all I see are a handful of police cars, officers standing beside them, some talking on their radios. Weird.

“I haven’t seen you in a while, almost feels like you’ve been avoiding me. Is there something wrong?”

“Nothing wrong Jack, it’s just that…I don’t know that I see this going anywhere. I mean, I love the time we spend together; movies, dinners, lunches, the walks…but I don’t feel like I’m connecting to you. It’s like you’re keeping a part of you away from me.”

“I’m not trying to hold back, I’ve just never been very good at opening up. Not even sure that I can blame that on distant parents since you’ve met them.”

“See, and you always turn everything into a joke. I love to laugh Jack, but sometimes, it’s time to be serious.”

“I know, sorry. Coping mechanism?”

“That’s not going to cut it. I need to know that I’m appreciated. That you care about me. That you want to be with me. I’m not getting that, and until I feel like I’m going to, I don’t think I can see you anymore.”

“Please don’t do this Sarah.”

“I’m sorry Jack, but I need to do this as much for myself as for us. Good-bye.”

I hate the word “good-bye,” it seems so…final. What ever happened to “see you later,” or “until we meet again,” or even “catch you on the flip-side” ? Everything has to be so final and I don’t understand why.

A swirl of auburn hair and a familiar voice draw me away from the police cars. I have to close my eyes and open them again to make sure that I’m not seeing things. It’s Sarah, and she’s pointing at me, saying something, though I can’t hear her with those damned sirens.

I motion to her that I can’t hear what she’s saying, trying to remind her that I’m heading her way anyways. She just keeps waving her hands, shouting something. I shake my head…I’ll be there in a minute.

“Sarah? I know you’re there, and I know that you’re listening to this. I just hope that we can work this out. Just give me a call. Please.”

“C’mon Sarah, this is stupid. Pick up the phone so we can work this out. We’ll go for a walk in the park. It’ll be nice. Call me back.”

“It’s been two weeks, and while I do enjoy talking to your answering machine, I don’t see that relationship going anywhere. Give me a call so we can talk about our relationship.”

“Fuck you Sarah. I hope you fall off a building.”

A pair of police officers grab Sarah, pulling her away from the sidewalk. I start to shout at them, waving them away form her, but they don’t listen, only look at me and pull her farther back from the sidewalk. I hear Sarah scream as the ground rushes up to meet me, and I greet it with a warm hello.