Ever Hear the One...

“You can’t be serious.”

“Why not?”

“There’s no way that she’d go home with you.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Well…look at you.”

“Fuck you too.”

Sean looked from behind the bar at David and Andrew. They’d been coming into his bar every Thursday like clockwork for the last three years. A couple of scotch on the rocks each, a few requests for some bar tricks or a joke, and then they were on their way. They were yuppies without a sense of humor, but they tipped well.

Their conversations usually ran from women, to politics, to work, to sports, and then back to women. Neither was married, and there was little question as to why.

“Hey Sean! Sean! Show us a trick. Something we haven’t seen yet.” Sean laughed, shaking his head.

“I think you’ve seen all of my tricks Andrew. Hell, I think David’s seen most of them twice.” The two laughed, nudging each other in the ribs.

“Ok then, tell us a joke.”

“Do you want a clean one or a dirty one?” The two men looked at each other, sharing the silent communication that friends develop over the years.

“Dirty.”

Sean sighed again, dry washing his hands on a towel stuck in his back pocket.

“Alright. A priest, a rabbi, and a horse walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says: ‘What is this, a joke?’”

David and Andrew looked at each other, then Sean.

“That wasn’t dirty Sean.”

“I know, just getting warmed up. Ok, now for the dirty one.”

“Three dogs are sitting in the pound. The first dog turns to the second one and asks him what he’s in for. The dog replies that his master had left him locked inside the house all day, during which time he had pissed, shit, chewed on furniture, and generally destroyed the house. Now he was in the pound, waiting to get the needle. Giving the second dog his condolences, the first dog move onto the third dog.”

Sean paused to pour David and Andrew a couple more drinks. They always thought his jokes were funnier if they’d had more to drink.

“So, the first dog asks the third dog what he’s in for. The third dog replies that his master had left him locked up in the backyard all day, during which time he had pissed, shit, dug up the yard, and generally destroyed the backyard. Now he was sitting here in the pound, awaiting the needle. Again, the first dog gave his condolences.

“Now, the second and third dog turned to the first dog, asking him what he was in for. The first dog told them that his master, a woman, walked around the house all day, buck naked. Well, one day, she bent over to pick up some trash, and being a horny dog, he fucked the shit out of her. Then here he was, in the pound.

“The second and third dog were amazed, almost in awe. ‘You’re getting the needle for that? Wow,’ the second dog said.

“’The needle?’ the first dog replied, ‘I’m just here to get my nails clipped.’”

Sean waited, looking at David and Andrew, preparing for the laughter.

“I don’t get it.”

“Of course you don’t. You’re an idiot.”

“Shut up Andrew. You don’t get it either.”

Sean’s jaw hit the floor, shocked as David and Andrew paid their tab and walked out the door, still arguing over the point of the joke.